Sell her house and move somewhere that required minimal maintenance, for sure.  Beyond that?  Good question!  Finding something she was interested in was tough and honestly, we all kicked the can down the road.  The decision of when she would move out of her house was taken from her by a natural disaster.  Fortunately, we were lucky it did not cost her life. 

When it comes to our aging parents and family members, knowing the time to step in and make changes is not easy.  Actually pulling the trigger is the truly hard part.  No one wants to take away or give up independence. So how do you know it is time to step in for the conversation?   Safety!  If the well-being or safety of an individual or others is in peril, there is no choice.  How that looks and works is another story.  Unsure when to begin the process?  I have a few clues for you to help.

Today I want to share with you a handful of things that fall in the “Take action!” category when it comes to elderly family members. These signs indicate it is time to make changes in their day to day living arrangements.  How you address these things is completely up to you and your family. 

When normal activities become something they avoid or a source of fear.

The first clue we had that things were changing for our mother was when she became afraid of driving.  We live in a major metropolitan area.  She had been driving around town since she moved here in her 20’s.  Mom had a great sense of direction and effortlessly navigated from her house to wherever she wanted.  Two miles or twenty, running errands outside of the neighborhood or arriving on either me or my sister’s doorstep was not a big deal to her.  The realization that she was no longer comfortable driving any longer was gradual. She began resisting driving on the freeway and eventually became anxious about getting lost.  There were no accidents but she did get turned around and lost a couple of times.  Fortunately, she was able to reach out to me so I could tell her how to get to me or find her and lead her to my house.  

When day to day tasks become a struggle,

 The second clue that she needed help was a change in how she handled daily tasks.  As a younger woman, our mother was on top of her business.  Bills were paid, the house was clean and tidy, fresh food was in the refrigerator, and meals were prepared.  That began to change.  She no longer sorted and opened her mail.  It became a growing, unorganized mix of bills and junk mail on the entry hall table and eventually the kitchen table.  She was minimally cooking and eating, things that could be microwaved or were snacks, food was spoiling in the refrigerator. 

Losing her balance

Our third clue that action was needed was when she began falling.  Not every day, but she often enough.  She did not always tell us she had fallen but would tell us when we noticed bruises on her. Often mom would trip outside on uneven pavement while taking her trash to a garbage can or fell out of her shoes after being seated for a long time.  She loved shoes that were open in the back and that became a problem because they were too loose on her feet. When she fell, she often would bruise her hands and arms catching herself.  Luckily, she never hit her head or broke a bone.  She agreed to have her eyes checked.  The doctor assured us that this was not vision-related.  Turns out it was a balance issue that is common in seniors.

  If you are noticing your elderly loved one is afraid to do something they have always been able to do, have lost interest in maintaining their home or doing things for themselves, share that they are overwhelmed or tired of daily life tasks and they begin to fall or struggle in some other way physically, have a kind and loving conversation with them about their safety and how they want to be helped.  Do they want to move to a senior living facility, move in with you or hire help on a daily basis?  What kind of resources do they have to pay for assistance in one form or another?  Through this season of change, my sister and I have been able to help our mother figure out what would work best for her over the past three years.  It was not without some bumps along the way and is an adjustment for all.   Now she is living in a retirement community that she enjoys, where she has the support she needs.  The signs were there long before she lost her home. My mother, sister and I chose to help at first by taking on much of the responsibility and respecting her desire to keep her independence and remain in her home.  We did the best that we could at the time. If we knew then what we know now, I think we would have acted sooner. 

I hope you found this post helpful.  Feel free to share it and let me know what you think in the comments down below.  Want more empty nest posts?  That’s easy!!  Just join my email list and don’t forget to follow me @partialtopearls on Instagram and Pinterest.